I carry the guilt.  I’ve prayed for forgiveness, but if I die will I go to heaven with the things I’ve done?

There’s nothing too big for God to handle, including this.

What am I going to do? Oh God, how did this happen to me? How am I going to make it through?

You just get up, show up, and hope that God’s there too.

You have to want it. You have to want it enough to get clean and sober and then you pray to God that you can stay strong enough to fight it.

That’s it. That’s all you’ve got at this point. You hold on to a belief that God is in control and that’s it.

You just hope and pray that God pulls you through each day.

By the nature of existence, man desires to be better; that’s my prayer, to be in a better place.

I always used to tell him, “Well, the Good Lord decided to wake me up and keep me around for another day,” he’d laugh at that. Guess it just wasn’t in the cards today, not for him. He’s in a better place now, but damn it, that sure don’t make it any easier. 

It just hit me like a ton of bricks: it’s going to be okay. God knows what he is doing, and I just finally realized that he’s protected me so far, and he’ll keep doing it.