October

Even in grief, I have found amazement.

Even in recovery, I am strong.

Even in healing, I will find bravery.

🍂October 🍂

I love this month, but it’s also the month where I remember the depth of pain of Not Cancer. My body remembers my oncologist sitting on my hospital bed and telling me that I might only have a couple of months to live. My body remembers waking up after surgery, having several body parts and 20 pounds of tumors removed. My body remembers the feelings of the epidural releasing into my spine to relieve the very intense pain. And I remember the amount of love that flooded that hospital room from, quite literally, all over this world, filling that room with beauty in the trauma.

I love this month, but it’s also the month where I remember the intense pain of a shattered leg. My body remembers the 6 inch plate, 10 screws, and 20 staples in my right leg. My body remembers being unable to use it for 9 weeks and getting very good at the leg scooter. And I remember how a whole crowd of people signed up to drive me places and walk Coakley, and bring me meals, filling my home with joy in the pain.

I love this month, even if it asks me to relive some truly awful moments, because those same moments have often been the most beautiful ones in my whole life.