What we share with people is essentially a statement on how much we want them in our lives. Couples, close friends, and sometimes families share every detail.
I collect people. I don’t set out to do this, but I collect them and I put them into categories of relationships and know by which box they are in, how much of myself to share. Sometimes I try to withhold information to preserve feelings or relationships, this however really just cuts the good out of the experience. I’ve had many friendships in which all that is discussed after long time away from each other is old stories, resumes, and awkward chatter about current events. This is not the story I want to be telling.
I do not want to spend my time with people with whom I have nothing to discuss but something that doesn’t relate to who we have become.
As I enter this new stage of my life, I’ve got decisions to be made. I have lived in this area most of my life, and many of my friendships have lasted, but mostly due to proximity. Moving to Texas, it’s going to take effort and communication, in which I do not excel. More than that, though, it’s going to take honesty.
I love being honest with someone…it provides an intense emotional connection and rawness of our fragile selves. But just because I love it doesn’t mean I enjoy it. I like for people to like me. I like when people think sweet things about who I am and who I have become. And being honest with someone about who you have become can be challenging, especially when they may not like it or will be disappointed in you.
I’m having to make the choice: Who is worth keeping? That’s essentially what it boils down to. Is the awkwardness, tension, and sadness of shattering my own halo worth maintaining this friendship?
This will require me to tell my story. All of my story. Because when I hide one aspect of who I am it creates distance, and there’s plenty of distance between Texas and Nashville.