Gratitude

It’s the month of Thanksgiving, I know this because my Facebook news feed is full of “Today I’m thankful for“‘s. I slightly regret having written this  because it seems like it might get lumped in with sentitments which are solely reserved for one month, but I’m putting it out there anyways because I do value the importance of gratitude. 

Sometimes I am washed over with gratitude like it is sunshine on a May day…I love those days. Sometimes, though, I try to bully myself into being appreciative of what I have and others do not…I hate those days. This is a scare tactic that my super-ego uses to try to regulate some sort of normal behavior, but it only spirals into an ugly place. I’ve tried to force thankfulness a lot this year.

Last year about this time my mom had kidney failure and I was camping out Thanksgiving in the ICU of one of the hospitals downtown. I didn’t get to see my sister-in-law or nephew because my brother had to make an unplanned trip. The same week that I was splitting my time between home, work, and hospital, I discovered I had a troublesome, non-cancerous tumor, Igor, if you remember. It was a rough time to be thankful, for sure. 

It has not been an easy year that has past. As a friend put it while we were catching up over the summer “Everything is so much a disaster right now for you that you aren’t even using the word correctly.” I thought she was exaggerating (she was), so I dismissed it. In reflection though, I think she might have been right, when you are hit with challenge after challenge, you forget that people live lives without even thinking about some things that consume you. 

Disclaimer: I know that I am priviledged and blessed…but the phrase ‘too blessed to be stressed’ is bullshit and you know it. 

This past year might have taken a good five years off my life, but I made it and I’m better for it, but mostly I’m thankful for every experience given in life because it is a new opportunity to react, grow, and improve.

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