It’s not a pre-determined point in life, these moments of essential change. I would propose that they occur when life gets too settled, too boring, or too content with the status quo. Personally, I believe that these moments, where change is the only thing on a person’s mind, are placed there purposefully, and shouldn’t be disregarded. This odd place is where I am currently. I’m not surprised I’m here, it’s place I find myself often. I am surprised, however, at my lack of a plan. I’ve had more “life plans” than any other 26 year old, “plan B” was well over 4 years ago. I believe my last plan was “plan Q,” if we are going to note them alphabetically.
This is such a part of my personality that my distant friends from college, who I see only every once in a while, begin any conversation with “What’s the newest life plan?” I hate this question for two reasons: it reminds me of all my former unfinished/abandoned plans and because I currently don’t have an answer. I really don’t know where my life is going or how to get there. Usually my change is spurred by discontentment with my life, but I am really happy (perhaps unfortunately?). I have found a friend set with which I can be myself entirely, I like the Nashville area, and honestly it’s easy. It’s not always easy to be happy, but right now, it is. It’s hard to give up easy, comfortable happiness. Perhaps this delightful ease is why I’m itching for change.
Change fits me perfectly, the ‘me’ on paper anyways: I’m single, not attached to my job by any means, and the only major financial commitment other than student loans I have is my car. Unfortunately, and I believe this is my age and period of my life, I can’t get the idea that pursuing a relationship or marriage is the only way for me to gain this change. This is so absurd it’s laughable…I am NOT that girl, the one who places value in being in a relationship and I won’t feel like a failure if I don’t ever get married. I can’t shake it however. It might be because the vast majority of my friends are married or in more serious relationships than I can even fathom without my heart racing.
So here’s where I stand: I’m happily on the other side of “plan Q: become a teacher (again)” and I have nearly endless options of what to do next and where to go…I just need to allow them to come in.