The Intense Sadness of Being Ill

“Any sickness is a loss that you have to grieve. You have lost your health, and while you may heal, you will always have had that sickness. I will always have cancer….just because it’s no longer in my body, doesn’t mean I’m not still dealing with it.” 

My mom, who is the wisest person I know, has dealt with more sickness than I can list on my hands. She has grieved much, and she understands the grief that comes with loosing an aspect of your health. 

This week, a friend has gone through tests and faces surgery tomorrow for some possibly cancerous things. I feel that she will be okay, after she heals from surgery and grieves the loss. Not because she’s my friend, and I think that she doesn’t deserve this…although she is and she doesn’t. Mostly though, I feel it intuitively. While I plan on keeping my intuitions to myself, because I know that can sound flippant…but I also know that saying that if someone is strong they won’t actually face a serious situation, because sometimes they will. 

One thing I do know is that she will have to grieve. I didn’t really understand this until my conversation with my mother yesterday about illness and grief. While my illness (Igor, if you recall) is not the same thing…it was still a loss. It was emotional. It was sad and painful; physically yes, but almost more so emotionally. I know that however tomorrow goes, she and those who love her will be praying, thinking, grieving, and trying to heal…it will be heavy, but the load is lighter if we share.

Occasionally, I will find writings, songs, or clips of people speaking that I wish I had  while I was grieving Igor to help patch my soul. “Tomorrow Will be Kinder” is one of those songs. I first met Laura at a concert for which she was underage, but talked her way in. We ended up at the same college a few years later. She and her sister have a good sound, and while I’d support almost anyone who I know personally…this song is different. It was written about the tornado-striken area in Alabama where they are from, and it seems to try to help people grieve their losses. It is hauntingly beautiful in a way that only grief and intense sadness can be. I was going to personally write Laura and tell her what this song means, and how much I longed for it while I was sick, but perhaps she’ll find it here…that might be less awkward. 

Whatever the next few weeks hold for my friend, and all who are grieving…please remember that tomorrow will be kinder.

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